About Christopher Karvountzis
Have you ever questioned the very nature of your reality?
Have you ever experienced a moment, fleeting or otherwise, that led you to question the very nature of your own reality? Where you felt so gaslit, so confused, so taken advantage of and abused, that you questioned the inner workings of your own mind, or the defining purpose for your time spent on this earth? Effectively engaging in self-gaslighting behaviour to try to resolve the conflict in your mind?
This is how I can best describe experiencing being the victim of a high control group or toxic relationship.
Growing up as a child and for many years into my adult life, I didn’t know the meaning of freedom. My thoughts, actions, interactions, how I dressed, my perception of justice, my goals and dreams were not my own. Those simple seemingly innocuous choices that too often we take for granted were not mine to make. My life’s purpose? Decided by somebody, by something else.
I was born and raised in a cult.
With my family in our hometown, rural South Australia.
As the reality of the situation dawned on me, I felt there was no way out. Lose my family, community and friends or continue the same way, the internal conflict was immense.
I am gay, and this institution shuns homosexuality.
I felt I could not simply walk away, I was so indoctrinated to the very depths of my soul that I felt the correct, the only way of life was the one I was raised in. I was ostracised by friends, family and the only community of people I had ever known. Still allowed to attend mandated events, but only as a silent observer, confined to the shadows, humiliated and ignored.
The severity of the effects of this kind of isolation took their toll. I decided to end my life. I dehydrated my body to prepare for my plan and set out to run in the hot 45 degree sun. If it wasn’t for a kind-hearted work colleague offering me water, providing that first glimpse of selfless care, and showing me that goodwill came freely in a world outside of the cult, I wouldn't be here today.
It was through this simple act of kindness that I found my own purpose. As I went through therapy and undertook intensive research and education, a passion grew inside me that is the driving force behind my life’s mission today.
I decided then that my story would not be written by others. I would not be remembered as a man who lost his life as a victim to the cruel beliefs of this toxic organisation.
I was going to write my life's defining chapter.
And I was going to do so by helping others to do the same.
This was my first experience of true freedom; and it defined my purpose.
After therapy, intensive study and research I gained an in-depth understanding of how people fall victim to the behaviours of high control organizations or relationships. I can’t say this was easy, quick or linear. I went through many years of shutting my cult experience out of my mind, too afraid to confront the hurt, fear and rejection that it caused.
I was already professionally successful. But I now wanted to change, to transform my interaction with the world; to re-engage with it in a different way. I opened my heart and mind and grew beyond what I would have ever thought possible before, driven by a freedom governed by purpose.
I have found my freedom and in it my purpose, now I have made it my mission to help others find their purpose and freedom.
My personal experience of this existence was piloted by the religion known as Jehovah’s Witnesses. How they operate, however, mirrors the same behaviours and manipulative tactics displayed by cults, high control organisations and even those found in situations of coercive control and abusive relationships.
Many people are born into these organisations as I was, but of course a key objective of many of these groups is to expand; to gain more control. Recruiting people into these situations is done in a few different ways. But probably the most notable is through a tactic used in cults or in abusive relationships is called love-bombing.
Love bombing involves bombarding potential new members with a constant stream of compliments, flattery and encouragement. It essentially elicits a seductive dopamine hit which trains the person to associate that environment with positive emotions. As time continues, new members need to work harder to get that rush, becoming more and more deeply involved, distracted and busy until eventually it takes over their lives.
To retain their control over people, cults or abusers employ a myriad of strategies. They use reductive us versus them, black and white thinking, isolate members from their families and former identities, utilise self-incrimination tactics, use public humiliation and, importantly, keep them constantly busy with tasks to exhaust and distract. The list goes on.
My mission is to educate as many people as possible with this knowledge.
A major part of my mission is to educate people with this knowledge. Providing an awareness of these behaviours plays a vital role in ensuring those at risk of indoctrination are protected. If a person can recognise when these tactics are being used against them, these abusers or organisations are less likely to be successful in coercing individuals and subverting their own free will.
I provide education, awareness and open conversation around behaviours that lead to individuals entering into, and remaining in, toxic relationships, high control groups and cults. I empower individuals subjected to any of the above, to find their purpose, and let that be the defining narrative of the legacy they leave behind.